Why I Drank and Why You Don’t – A Spiritual Journey
I admit, I drank too much, to the point of being hospitalized. Was there something fueling me to die? Do normal people do this?
This post is not going to be about my sob story. . .
I want to see if others have gotten close to death like I did, self-imposed.
Why do some people self-destruct, while others flourish?
Is it environmental?
I lived in a small town most of my life.
The crowd I hung around was into being rebellious.
Most kids outgrow this rebelliousness, but I kept digging a shallow grave.
I had always been insecure.
Well, there was probably a confident boy at one time, and my parents remember him, but I don’t, except for seeing pictures of myself smiling when I was five.
Since I was insecure, I really took to the liquid confidence that alcohol produced.
The buzz from alcohol gave me ecstatic energy and wild highs for a long time.
One friend of mine who watched me drink one night, stated: “Alcohol is like Ritalin for you, isn’t it?”
I felt immortal and witty.
Later in life I realized I could be like this without alcohol if I just loved myself.
But, where did the love go?
Why do we hide behind these self-destructive things?
Why are we so fucking insecure?
Here’s 5 of my best brutally honest posts:
- 3 Biggest Absurd Lies Drunks Tell Themselves
- How Porn is making your Spirit and Soul a Whore
- How Masturbating Over 40 Destroys Your Life and Your Business
- How I Got Completely Sober after 16 Years of Alcoholism
Here’s where I changed my life and maybe you can relate:
At 32, my body gave me a pretty big sign that I was going down the wrong path when I was airlifted to the state hospital for a heart-attack.
The craziest part of that was that I thought the attack was a fluke and partied even harder for four more years.
I finally woke up when I was so tired of swimming around the same small fishbowl as all my other loser friends.
I got sober, healthy and moved out of that town.
I read leadership books, instead of drunken poets, like Charles Bukowski.
I began reprogramming my mind with what I listened to, ate, drank and how I exercised.
I let go of the past. Eckhart Tolle changed my focus to the Power of Now.
Most of our fears and anxieties are caused by looking into the past or into the future.
But, there’s still a deep insecurity there.
My wife and I are going to Peru to do Ayahuasca.
In the meantime, I have stopped most of my old habits, like Rocking.
I live in a new kind of fear, that of unknowing, which I guess is the best place to be for inner-growth.
What are you doing to face your fears?
I think when we get comfortable, that becomes a slow death sentence.
Sure, I want to relax and eat crap like the next guy, but I don’t want to wake up when I’m 60 and still be acting like a punk.
Do you know what I mean?
There was some kind of programming in me from my past that said, “Losing in life is cool. Don’t be a Sheeple like the rest.”
This old programming turned out to be my Ego tricking me into doing what was easy instead of developing as a mature man.
Yes, dying is easy compared to working on your deepest setbacks and fears.
I’m sure if you’re reading this you’re not wasted.
And, maybe you want to make a difference in this world.
It doesn’t matter when we want to start a new path, as long as we find the path to begin with.
Buddha stated: “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”
When I was truly ready to start my transformation from almost dead to moderate online success, I was mysteriously introduced to the book Think and Grow Rich.
From there, I was introduced to longer and longer books, webinars and self-development courses.
It takes more than just “hitting bottom” to rediscover yourself.
It also takes a drive that you had since you were a little child to succeed at any cost.
When I finally got sober, I was walking with my mom around the neighborhood one afternoon.
I was already in my forties, but I looked at her while we walked like I looked at her when I was an optimistic child and said: “I’m going to do something big, mom. I feel it.”
I knew right there that I had made a promise to her.
I was her survivor. . .
She had seen me shaking with alcohol withdrawals just a couple years earlier.
I was making the biggest promise of my life to her. . .
Have a story you want to share?
Please comment below and let’s blow this fear shit out of the water.
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Erik Christian Johnson is a Entrepreneur, writer, full-time Network Marketer and Blogger. He shares tips on various topics including: Network Marketing tips, how to work full time from Home, and God. He is also the #1 recruiter in his primary business. His blog is summed up as being: "edgy personal development with a twist of financial freedom."
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